Me, my parents and alcohol

My name is Sandrine. I am 15 years old and I live in Switzerland.

When I still was very small, I used to undertake many trips with my parents. But I noticed already back then the arguments and the aggression between them. It was by the time I came to school, when I started to understand why my parents always argued and became so fast so aggressive. It was solely the alcohol to blame for that. If I had been at the wrong place at the wrong time, they used to let their aggression out on me, by screaming at me or hitting me.

My problem was that I couldn’t be angry at them. They tried to make everything possible for me, according to their resources. Neither did I ever seek help from other people since I had learned from early childhood on that I was not allowed to talk to anybody. Towards the outside we were the perfect family – father, mother, and child. I learned to live with all that but then even worse happened: When I was eight, my father had a brain bleeding. As he was about to be released from the hospital, he got a stroke. He fell into coma. After three months they wanted to turn off the maschines already but then he moved suddenly. He woke up. All his doctors etc said that it was a miracle that he had woken up again. My dad then had to learn everything from the beginning. He spent two years in the hospital. I experienced all that.

Now I was “alone” with my mother. The alcohol consumption of my mother increased enormously in those years. Since my father was not at home, she let all her aggression out on me. That became worse from day to day but I let it happen to me. When I was ten, I started to ride horses and went to the youth leisure time centre in my town once a week. That was a good change and sometimes I even forgot my problems and worries. My dad came into a collective living community for disabled people after those two years. He learned many things through the help of me and my mother. He could walk again, talk, eat and much more. He felt very good in that collective living community. Today he comes home once a month and still lives in that collective living. He was happy.

I still had the problems with my mother. In the age of eleven, I went on an activity of Juvente* for the first time, thanks to the Youth Leisure Time centre. I did not like it. Two years later I tried it again and went again to an activity. Suddenly I found it brilliant. I got to know new people, those who don’t drink any alcohol. It was a new situation for me but I liked it. When I was back at home, I told my mother about Juvente. She found it a good idea that I continue to participate in their activities. Soon I became member of Juvente and took thereby a pledge not to consume any alcohol or other drugs. I also told my mother about the good templars so that she might quit drinking. But she didn’t want to hear about that. She always avoided discussing it. So I said nothing anymore.

In the age of 14 I got my horse and my dog. These animals are the most important things in my life. Otherwise, I have no idea if I would be still here. Also Juvente was a big part of my life. It gave me strength. I think that if I would not be member of Juvente, I would be one of the many children who are dependent on alcohol and other drugs. But despite the beautiful things in my life, the problems with my mother still existed. Nothing had changed except my age.

Through problems in my school class, I got to know the school psychologist. She was the first I could talk with about my problems. I told her everything. She suggested putting my mother to choice: me or the alcohol. And so I did. But my mother did not really take me serious. She did not answer me and I just let it be. Because she has pressure tools against me: my horse and my dog. The school psychologist tried continuously to encourage me. She managed and thus I wrote a letter to my mother that contained everything I had on my heart. She took this letter seriously. We talked about her alcohol consumption. After the talk I waited till she would approach me. She came after two weeks. After that everything went very fast: she talked to my school psychologist about different therapies. She decided to start by going to a counseling twice a week.

So, now she goes to this counseling and I hope that she will finally decide voluntarily to go through rehabilitation. I have no idea how everything continues but I hope that I finally can be happy and that my mother will be better. I only know that I would not have managed all that without Juvente. All those people understood me and helped me to talk about problems. I learn to show and express emotions. Today I only think about how I can help others who have grown up similarly. I do not want that anybody has to experience the same like me.

That is my story and I hope it makes many people think.

*Juvente is a youth organisation in Switzerland based on principles of sobriety and friendship