I used to have a wet pillow

I used to cry.
I used to cry a lot.
I used to cry when you were not home. Worried if the big storm outside will not hurt you while you were out with your friends.
I used to cry worried WHEN you will come home. Worried how will you behave. Will you feel good? Will you be upset? Will the alcohol monsters in your body make you angry? Happy?
I used to cry when you were screaming because the sky was not blue enough or whatever reason you found.
I used to cry when you were arguing with my mom, with YOUR wife.
I used to cry when you threw glass, things and especially words on me.
I used to cry when you didn’t care if you made us cry.
I used to cry cause I still cant understand why did you become such person as you are now. Why did you let drown your potential and personality into beer?
I used to cry because I was worried what will happen when we will go on the family party together.
I used to cry because of the all broken Christmas decoration.
I used to cry because I couldn’t bring any friends home since no one knew how drunk will you come back home.
I used to cry because you didn’t accept even the basic logical arguments.
I used to cry since no one else would understand ...or know...
I used to cry since you don’t see you are the reason why I don’t drink.
I would like to say this is the past and we all woke up from the nightmare and you have stopped to drink. But I can’t. We are still living in a fear when no one can say what more will alcohol damage.
Sometimes I still cry because I feel better without than with you.

Dear father stop it ... I want to be proud of you again.